Government Announces That Hardware Stores Are Now Authorized to Remove Wax

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LEGAL NOTE: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME… or anywhere else…

Today, the Federal Ministry of Health announced that hardware stores across Canada, and certain parts of Idaho and South Carolina, are now authorized to perform cerumen management on their customers.  This should typically be done while they are waiting to have new keys made.  In a statement released earlier today by the assistant to the associate deputy minister in charge, Monsieur Maurice Monnet, “… this should take the pressure off of the other hearing health care professionals and prevent occlusion of the health care system”.

We caught up with the President and CEO of Canadian Tire, Mrs. Paula Plumber; a large Canadian chain of hardware stores, for a comment.  She was quite forthright and said “Arby’s may have the meats, but Canadian Tire has the tools!”

Not all of the hardware chains were so agreeable. Lowe’s Canada has had some previous issues with Federal announcements which, in 1979, gave hardware stores the regulatory ability to remove mucous from noses.  In 1982, Lowe’s Canada decided to close their door on this nasal cleaning policy, and to our knowledge, has not reopened those kiosks that now stand dormant in all of their stores.

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Canadian Audiologist Editorial Staff